I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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