There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
