I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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