so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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