Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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