I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize