and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Randomize
