Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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