1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
