i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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