You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Randomize
