11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
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The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
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Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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