dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
only if we run a train.
done.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
you will always have a special place in my vag
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
