he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize