He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
