I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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