i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Randomize
