I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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