In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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