I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
