The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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