i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
well I can't set my house on fire every night
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
