i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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