got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
