They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
