she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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