I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Houston, we have a blender
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
