I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
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