Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Randomize
