I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
