how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
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