Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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