I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
