8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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