Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
