I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.