when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
