I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
