I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
