Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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