you traded sex for a burrito?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Randomize
