She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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