the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
