o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
