Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
