Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
