I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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