Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
