Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
How's work?
Spinning.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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