So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
