I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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