That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Randomize
