Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
