It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
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Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
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Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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