after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
