i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
