It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
