Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
