I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I stole a fireplace last night.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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