i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
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Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
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The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
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