Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
