i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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