forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
