I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I just googled if crying burns calories
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
