tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
