if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
