My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
