Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
