You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
