I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
