if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
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