One girl and one boy is just not enough.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
