We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
i've created a new STD.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
