Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
